Hippies and Soccer Mom's Need Not Apply

The biggest complaint I hear about my second favorite sport is as follows:

"Hockey's not even a real sport, there's too much fighting."

My rebuttle is this:

"Screw you Nancy, go to the ballet. You don't like our sport? Don't watch. My seat is empty for Stars on Ice, feel free to take it."

This is a classic example of the Moral Majority (SIC) talkin' out of their asses about something they haven't even taken the time to learn about. I can go into poker, drug use, prostitution, hip hop fashion and guns in later posts, but right now I'm talking about hockey you hoser.

The first myth is that they are all thugs. Bullshit, they are all tough to be sure. Even Guy Lafleur, The Flower as we called him South of the Border, isn't someone I'd want to knuckle up against. But they are not all thugs. Wayne Gretzky, Mario Lamieux, Sidney Crosby, Gordie Howe and the afore mentioned Lafleur...These boys posess unhuman skill and grace. Are you going to tell me they are thugs?

The second myth is that they all fight. Even in the days of "Old Tyme Hockey" not everyone fought. That's just silly. Someone scored. And certainly as the teams are designed today, every team has an enforcer who is hired specifically to serve this purpose. I propose to you that Wayne Gretzky would not be mythically known as The Great One, if lesser skilled opponents did not have the fear of Marty McSorley instilled in them. You see, the NHL, and other professional hockey leagues in North America have made the decision to let the players police the game themsleves, for better or for worse. The fans respect it, and the critics should too.

Third myth. It ruins the enjoyment of the game. Well Sally, 18,000 are on their feet in any arena when a fight breaks out in hockey. We'll have to disagree with you on this one. You may say we have a blood lust, and maybe we do. Fuck your opinion. We also understand that when Donald Brashear would toe up to Ty Domi, they were two willing participants letting everyone else in the ice know what would happen to them if the tried cheap shot Mats Sundin or Saku Koivu. And don't even think about running my goalie you high stickin', low tippin', donut eatin', cheap gas buyin' Gordie. We love these guys, and they earn it.

Now, for those of you who understand, I originally intended this to be a post about the greatest enforcer ever; the one and only Rob Ray. This favorite son of Western New York and Southern Ontario was given an A to put on his sweater because our beloved Sabres understand how important his role was on the team.

Few players impact a game to such a degree that the sport has to change the rules because they are so good at what they do it's just not fair to the rest of 'em. In Rayzor's case, it is now a penalty if you do not have your sweater anchored onto your equipment. This was done because Rayzor had the uncanny ability to rid himself of his jersey during a fight so that his opponent had less to grab onto as he was taking piston like punches from Rayzor's right. He was knockin' guys twice his size silly.

Number 32 is a future head coach in the NHL, too. (I can only hope for my Sabres) He is an all time favorite in my hometown of Buffalo, NY. We are blue collar and proud. We respect the working man. Rayzor embodies our ethic, and remains our hero to this day. Below is a nice exhibition of his work.




respectfully submitted,
Z