Swinging TV

Dear Readers,

While browsing the Times late last week, I found another story that really intrigued me. It appears that the New York International Fringe Festival is currently presenting a play about Hillary Clinton being President. What I love about this particular stage drama is that Hillary is being played by Priscilla Barnes of Three's Company fame. This brings a few things to mind that I'd like to talk a little about.

Before I start I'd like to preemptively state that I fully support women running for President, even though I am not completely happy that Hillary is the Democratic front runner. To be perfectly honest, I'd prefer to see someone other than a Bush or Clinton in the White House. It is definitely a good time for some new ideas, and we don't need another lesson in Monica studies. OK, with that out of the way, I'll get started.

First, my congratulations to Priscilla Barnes. I was absolutely shocked to read that she is currently performing in somewhat serious theater. I honestly expected that if she was still acting that it would have been in a dinner theater in Boca Raton where they regularly perform an all female version of 1776. You haven't lived until you've seen their John Hancock. The last time I saw Ms. Barnes was in a part was in Kevin Smith's Mallrats, and thought her cameo was great if not unexpectedly revealing as a topless fortune teller. It had a Sharon Stone slumming it kind of feeling, which current cinema could use a lot more of.

In finding out that Ms. Barnes is playing Hillary, I started to wonder (using the associative property in mathematics) who Hillary might have been cast as had she been given a role in Three's Company. My conclusion was that she would be Larry's unseen wife (for the young readers Larry was a swinging guy who had a mostly unbuttoned shirt, plenty of chest hair, and not above the occasional key party). Now, I know what you're thinking, Larry didn't have a wife -- he was too busy trying to score with twin stewardesses, right? Well, it just so happens that (in my mind) he had a bit too much to drink one night at the Regal Beagle, and while trying to put the moves on one of the regulars his eye caught this bookish law student sitting alone. Apparently, she just got into a fight with her ex-boyfriend, a chap named Willie Jeff, and decided to move her studies to the local drinking hole. Larry provided a shoulder to cry on and a few fruity cocktails as well. Needless to say, the charm worked, and they went back to his place to consummate their newly established relationship where he promptly gave her the clap. Or at least that's what she thought she heard while Larry was talking to Jack in the other room. As it turns out they were really talking about how Larry got a clap from Janet when he mistakenly fell on Crissy. Hillary then forced him to marry her, and had it annulled when she discovered that he was romantically involved with Mr. Furley. This was followed by a shot of Mr. Roper (Norman Fell) directly looking into the camera and smiling.

Classic.