Stepping in Some Mitt

(idea courtesy of the Colbert Report)

Dear Readers,

In case you missed it, dear old Mitt Romney dropped out of the Republican primaries a day ago, and he said some of the most outrageous things in his concession speech. There are more "I shit you not" moments in this diatribe than R-Lo hosting an "I Can't Believe Its Not Butter" infomercial. Below is a list of some of the more ridiculous quotes:

"I am convinced that unless America changes course, we will become the France of the 21st century—still a great nation, but no longer the leader of the world, no longer the superpower. "

--Isn't France part of the European Union? The one with a stronger currency, better health care, was correct on Iraq, and an American ally?

"The attack on faith and religion is no less relentless. And tolerance for pornography—even celebration of it—and sexual promiscuity, combined with the twisted incentives of government welfare programs have led to today’s grim realities: 68% of African American children are born out-of-wedlock, 45% of Hispanic children, and 25% of White children. How much harder it is for these children to succeed in school—and in life. A nation built on the principles of the founding fathers cannot long stand when its children are raised without fathers in the home. It is time for the people of America to fortify marriage through constitutional amendment, so that liberal judges cannot continue to attack it! If we do not change course, Asia or China will pass us by as the economic superpower, just as we passed England and France during the last century."

--How did we go from faith and religion to pornography, and what's the deal with fathers in the home having something to do with Asia? When did I miss the part in history class that covered how France and England had no fathers during the first half of the 20th century which led to American supremacy? Did England respond to this threat by sending us Wham?

"Did you see that today, government workers make more money than people who work in the private sector. Can you imagine what happens to an economy where the best opportunities are for bureaucrats?

--Damn you Post Office Donald Trump! Livin' large on all those discounted stamps!

"...there is a conviction that all governments should be destroyed and replaced by a religious caliphate."

--Somebody didn't see Jesus Camp.

"Soon, the face of liberalism in America will have a new name. Whether it is Barack or Hillary, the result would be the same if they were to win the Presidency. The opponents of American culture would push the throttle, devising new justifications for judges to depart from the constitution. Economic neophytes would layer heavier and heavier burdens on employers and families, slowing our economy and opening the way for foreign competition to further erode our lead. And Barack and Hillary have made their intentions clear regarding Iraq and the war on terror. They would retreat and declare defeat. And the consequence of that would be devastating. It would mean attacks on America, launched from safe havens that make Afghanistan under the Taliban look like child’s play. About this, I have no doubt. I disagree with Senator McCain on a number of issues, as you know. But I agree with him on doing whatever it takes to be successful in Iraq, on finding and executing Osama bin Laden, and on eliminating Al Qaeda and terror. If I fight on in my campaign, all the way to the convention, I would forestall the launch of a national campaign and make it more likely that Senator Clinton or Obama would win. And in this time of war, I simply cannot let my campaign, be a part of aiding a surrender to terror."

--As Jon Stewart said about this part: "Fuck You!"

You know, I'm pretty sick about hearing that not voting Republican will cause more attacks on America. Last time I checked, Ron Paul got a pretty large ovation at the last debate when he talked about bringing troops home from Iraq (if you didn't watch it, go to YouTube). Clearly, someone in the Republican party obviously thinks differently about this issue, and that's a good thing in general. People forget that politics isn't about agreeing all the time. This isn't your local baseball team, and when politicians fuck up it is OK to stop supporting them...maybe, dare I say, patriotic. That's what being a Democrat is all about! You think I hold Bill Clinton in high regard? You'd be wrong about that (I'm lookin' at you DD). In this case there won't be any off-season rebuilding, and no first round draft picks to save the organization. Bush walks out of office never having to work another day in his life, and will never rely on the Social Security he briefly tried to dismantle (as if he ever did).

Again, all you people who think the Republicans are the answer to things like immigration, gay marriage, and abortion should look at the facts before voting. Your party had control of the White House, the House, the Senate, and the Supreme Court and all you got was this lousy economy.

Also, can we stop using the words "Liberal" and "Conservative"? They don't mean anything anymore. John McCain is not a "liberal", and it is not a bad thing that he attracts independents and some Democrats. My advice John, go for the popular vote, and leave your Coulter/Limbaugh base behind. You just might win.

-TRM