Dear Doctor,
It doesn't take a professional reading your rorschach test results to figure out what you'd like for your birthday. Too bad it isn't legal in this country, and you're too much of a xenophobe to venture outside. Amazingly, I could probably recommend a few David Lynch films to satisfy your primal needs, but you'd be too pent up to rent them. Perhaps we can have them sent in a plain brown wrapper.
For the rest of us, I suggest the diversion of watching a moose pull a rabbit out of a hat.
-TRM
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